Heal
by SyringaGirl
Summary: M!Hawke/Fenris – Wounds that need to be healed run deeper than just the flesh. Hawke was ready to die after his dual with Arishok but, Fenris can't and won't let him go, even entering the Fade itself to save him. Set in the time between Act 2 & 3
1. Prelude

**PRELUDE**

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><p>"Hawke no," Aveline's voice betrayed her, fear coloured her tone, "please, just wait for reinforcements. I'll find more men. Or the Templars. Something. You don't have to do this!"<p>

Hawke shook his head no, "it won't mean anything. The Arishok has made it clear, this is about testing our strength. And honour, I think."

Fenris interjected, "regardless of what the Arishok says, the prize is truly Kirkwall, not Isabela." His voice was surprisingly calm but very firm, "Kirkwall's submission here will not inspire mercy within the Qun. We are Kabethari. If they are allowed to walk away, the Qun will see it as a cry for assimilation," he paused and looked directly to Hawke, "dominance must be established here and now."

Hawke gave a resolute nod to Fenris then turned his gaze towards Isabela standing in the corner. Hawke's features softened, he smirked and gave her a playful wink. But Isabela was unconventionally shy and huddled within herself under crossed arms. She turned her face away from him. Everyone in Hawke's entourage knew that this really was as much for her as for Kirkwall. Hawke was a man who would stand up for any of them, even if it meant the possibility of a few broken ribs or even a broken heart.

Hawke's mabari scratched at ground in front of them, whining in protest. Hawke knelt down to comfort his pet, "easy now boy. You're going to have to stay out of this as well." The mabari flattened his ears and tried as hard as he could to guilt Hawke with is sad-puppy face. Hawke managed to laugh a little, "not this time you don't. You stay here with Fenris, he'll keep you safe," he said.

Hawke stood and took a step closer towards Fenris. Smiling now, Hawke kept his gaze clearly fixed on his mabari and spoke cheerfully, "I expect you to come bounding in for a daring last minute rescue should this all go horribly wrong." The dog gave a happy bark with a wag of his tail and moved to stand stoically beside Fenris. Hawke laughed and scratched the mabari behind the ear.

Fenris had flinched at Hawke's words and found himself bracing as though they were meant for him, maybe they were. Regardless, Fenris had no intention of losing Hawke this day; if the battle did prove too much, he would intervene - Kirkwall, Qunari and honour be damned.

Hawke now stood, rather close to Fenris, on the steps of the hall's main staircase. Hawke preferred standing on the lower step, looking up at Fenris whenever he could. Fenris was unable to hide his eyes from the taller man when standing like this, a trick Hawke had learned to use years ago. Years as friends, as equals and still it frustrated Hawke that the elf often kept his head down, averting his gaze. But even after Fenris had walked away that night, Hawke couldn't stop searching for something from him; Hawke would steal any moment he could for just a glimpse of what might be left between them. Hawke couldn't possibly know that this was the very thing that Fenris was hiding from now. It was that continued kindness and devotion in Hawke's eyes that made Fenris look away; he could never be worthy of this man's love but, he would not let him go either, he couldn't.

"Fenris, I..." Hawke spoke but was interrupted.

"The Arishok is getting impatient," said Fenris. He unclasped the amulet from his own neck and moved to place it around Hawke's. "Take this. For... protection."

"But this is..."

"Yes. And I expect you to hand it back to me afterwards." Fenris fastened the chain at the back of Hawke's neck. As he drew his hands away from the finished task Fenris dared to trail his fingers along Hawke's neck, caressing the warrior's strong jaw line.

"I will."

Fenris rested his hands on Hawke's shoulders and found the courage to look into his eyes for just a moment before it was shattered by the Arishok's booming command, "Parshaara! This ends today Hawke."

Hawke took a final deep breath and pulled himself away from his love, from his faithful mabari, from his companions, and from all the eyes fixed on him in horror and hope. Shutting them out, Hawke drew his greatsword. Yes, this had to end today, and he knew it wouldn't end well.


	2. Kadan Teth A

**Chapter 1 : Kadan Teth A**

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><p>At the start, gasps and screams from the fatted and cowardly nobles corralled inside the Viscount's Throne Room had echoed off the walls with deafening force. But now, as the duel persisted, they had lulled themselves into a pathetic din of sobbing women and men's desperate prayers to Andraste to save their own pompous lives. It was making Fenris' ears bleed and his blood boil.<p>

Fenris found himself pushing down his own fear, and guilt, and longing. Something inside him was trying to claw its way past his years of obedience training, self-loathing and loneliness. He felt as though his heart was tearing apart. That small voice screaming at him inside his own head; he thought he should do something! _Why can't you admit... stop this! If you lose him... take Hawke's place! Do something! Anything!_ Facing himself, admitting that he was so afraid to lose Hawke, it was all too much. Fenris calmed himself by calling up his faith in Hawke as a warrior and as a man.

Hawke was a surprising challenge for the Arishok. What Hawke lacked in matching brute strength he easily compensated with tactical quickness. This wasn't a huge advantage but, it was keeping him alive... for now. Fenris couldn't shake the nervous thought of how tired Hawke had to be, having already warred their way through Kirkwall to get to this point. Hawke's movements were clearly becoming more desperate and awkward.

The Arishok rushed at Hawke and pinned him against a pillar. Hawke's left clavicle broke with an audible snap. Fenris almost moved to Hawke's side the but, he was suddenly caught off balance by Hawke's mabari trying to hide between his legs. Fenris knelt down and soothed the hound telling him to stay and wait, "I haven't forgotten our promise" he said.

Turning back to watch the fight, Hawke had broken away by thrusting the pommel of his sword up under the Arishok's ribs, pushing him back and giving Hawk a moment to escape. Even one handed, Hawke was adept at swinging his greatsword but, he had to sacrifice power for defence as the Arishok hunted him relentlessly.

Hawke spun away from the arc of the Arishok's axe only to be clipped across the back of his thigh by the Quanri's sword. Fenris swore under his breath and gritted his teeth. Suddenly, in the corner of his eye, a flash of blue and gold distracted him. Isabela was fleeing past him up the stairs, away from the battle, scrambling for a way out. Instinctively Fenris reached out and grabbed her by the arm. As Isabela spun around to face her captor, Fenris felt something wet dappled his cheeks; her eyes were red and streaming with tears. She tried to pull away but Fenris dug his gauntlets into the flesh of her arm.

"You're hurting me!"

"Don't."

"It's Hawke he's going to-"

"No! He won't."

Isabela hung her head in shame and spoke in a low soft tone, "he's just all too much. I don't..." she paused, choosing her words very carefully, "I'm not the only one that's had to run away from him."

Fenris' felt his chest tighten and his throat go dry, the sound of his own heartbeat thundering in his head. He clenched his eyes shut and released his grip on Isabela. She simply walked away.

The battle had shifted its pace now. Both Hawke and the Arishok were moving more cautiously, calculating their strikes. The fury in their movements had ceased but that only made each subsequent attack more desperate and devastating when it connected. These two warriors were dancing with death in-between them, just waiting for a chance to cut in.

The clangour of metal shattering tile broke the stillness and a debris cloud rose up where the Arishok's weapon struck the floor. Hawke dodged the attack only to slip and land hard on his right knee with an outcry of pain. The hit rattled the Arishok and he staggered for a moment. Hawke took the chance to charge back. The Arishok recovered in time to counter attack. He swung out his sword and carved a gash down across Hawke's chest and back up across his jaw line. Hawke faltered backwards and thudded against a pillar. He slumped down and braced himself with good arm, dropping his sword with a clatter.

Fenris' world suddenly started moving in slow motion. Hawke was leaning forward, head down, chest heaving with exhaustion, sweat and blood dripping from his face and neck. He looked up, searching, and somehow, amidst all the turmoil, Hawke met Fenris' gaze. Without looking away, Hawke slowly reached into a small pouch on his belt and pulled out a vial of dark liquid. With one hand he broke the wax seal and swallowed its contents. Fenris' eyes went wide in fear and recognition. He tried to cry out but nothing came. He was frozen with disbelief at what he was watching. Hawke coughed hard, dropping the empty vial and looked back to the Arishok looming not far off. He thumbed the amulet that had fallen loose around his neck. Hawke closed his eyes and pressed the amulet gently to his lips before tucking it back inside his armour. He rose up with renewed strength and sudden haste, gripped his sword tightly off the ground and charged towards the Arishok. That was the last of the duel Fenris saw.

Realising Hawke's intentions, Fenris moved through the looming crowd and found Merrill. She was hiding behind Varric, palms covering her face and her tears. Fenris yanked at her wrists and she yelped in surprise.

"You," Fenris growled at her, "go! Now! Find Anders and bring him to Hawke's estate."

She looked at him bewildered for a moment, "but shouldn't I stay, in case-"

"There isn't time for this. Just go!" Fenris pushed Merrill to get her moving, she squeaked and then took off running, Hawke's mabari followed close behind.

"Elf," Varric spoke up, "that was a bit aggressive, even for you."

Fenris glared at him.

Varric put up the palms of his hands in submission, "alright, alright. Calling for Blondie is a good idea but look," he motion back to the steps of the main hall. Hawke had recovered and regained dominance in the fight. Hawke was steadily pushing the Arishok back; slashing with the full might of his sword, cutting down the giant in front of him. "it will all be over in a minute and Hawke's fine," said Varric, "a little scary, but really, he'll be fine."

Fenris' rage was clouding his mind so much he couldn't argue back, he was only able to mutter back something in Arcanum he knew the dwarf wouldn't understand.

Their attention turned when they heard the Arishok speak but, from their current vantage they could only see Hawke's blade being raised above his head and then crashing down to end this nightmare. The nobles started clapping and cheering: "The City is saved!", "Maker, it's finally over," and shouts of "Praise Andraste!" rang out. Fenris and Varric started moving to Hawke's side, having to forcibly push past so many nobles and Quanri to try and reach him. Foolish men were slapping Hawke on the back and congratulating him; Hawke was gracefully smiling for them while fighting the waves of pain, exhaustion and sickness rushing over his body.

Fenris finally made his way to Hawke's side, grabbed the injured man and pulled him close to hold him upright. "Varric, get us out of here," Fenris barked at the dwarf. Varric began to pander and wave aside the gathered mob and they made their way out of the Keep as quickly as possible.

"Fool! Why?" was all Fenris could say to Hawke.

"I thought you agreed with me," Hawke coughed as he laughed, still trying to keep his balance as they walked. Fenris kept an arm around Hawke to steady him, refusing to let go.

"Not- I know what you've done," said Fenris.

Hawke stopped for just a moment to think. "Then take me home, Fenris." His breath was becoming ragged, still he spoke with some small bit of mirth in his voice, "I'll die in my own bed if I have any choice."

"Obstinatum. We can stop this."

"It's already too late."

"I've sent for the healer."

"What, Anders? I think this is beyond him."

"I wouldn't have let you... I won't allow this!"

"That's why I didn't tell you." Hawke reached over to put his hand on Fenris' heart.

"Just... stay with me. Please!"

_Funny, I've waited so long to hear you say that_, was Hawke's last thought before he lost consciousness.


	3. So Much Blood

**Chapter 2 : So Much Blood**

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><p>Nearing Hawke's estate, they saw Merrill standing in the doorway nervously wringing her hands in anticipation. Aveline was the first to run inside, calling out for Orana to fetch hot water and towels. Fenris followed, half dragging Hawke's body into the house. When Varric was finally inside he slammed and barred the door shut behind them. Jeers from the mob could still be heard outside as they marched the remaining Qunari out of the city.<p>

"Where is he?" shouted Fenris.

"I'm here," said Anders. He emerged from the kitchen, drying his hands. His robes and face showed small spatters of blood, no doubt from recent work with other wounded at his clinic. "How bad is it?"

"Bad," replied Varric.

"Very bad," Aveline echoed.

Fenris didn't have the strength, or the luxury of more time, to carry Hawke any further. He gently laid the unconscious man on the staircase, stood over top of him for a moment then backed away. Orana shimmied past everyone and positioned herself on a step so that Hawke's head would rest in her lap. She reached into the water bowl she had placed on the step beside her, wrung out a cloth and began to wipe the blood from Hawke's face. "Why does it smell like spindleweed?" she said.

"Dammit," said Anders, "he's used a lifeward potion, hasn't he."

Fenris replied, "no, something-"

"Maker is he even breathing?" Aveline interrupted.

Anders placed his hand above Hawke's mouth and then across this throat, "just barely. His heartbeat is fading- get this armor off him, quickly!"

There was a sudden urgency and flurry of hands as Anders, Orana, Aveline and Fenris all reached out to unbuckle, untie, and unstrap layers of armor from Hawke's near lifeless body. The more pieces they removed, the worse the injuries appeared. Fenris undid the final clasp on Hawke's armor breastplate and began to remove it when Anders reached out, "stop!" Then Fenris saw it. The breastplate had been split across the chest where the Arishok had felled him. The depth and carnage of the wound had been disguised by the red sashes Hawke wove throughout his armor.

"Slowly," said Anders.

Fenris pulled at the broken breastplate carefully and could feel it and the cloth beneath it sticking in places. The earthy smell of spindleweed was unmistakable but, as the wound was exposed, the smell of dampness and burnt spices was overpowering. Fenris gagged a little, "the wound already rots."

Anders covered his mouth and leaned in closer to examine Hawke, "ugh, what is this?"

"Maker," said Aveline, "what is that smell?"

Fenris made a final quick motion to pull the breastplate away, tearing the cotton shirt away beneath it. Blood seemed to pour out from armor as Fenris tossed it across the floor out of the way. Now, with his torso exposed, the damage to Hawke's body was much clearer; his friends gasped at what was revealed. Hawke wasn't bleeding. The gash across his chest, the tear along his jawline and all the other smaller lacerations and tears in his flesh were supple and sticky, oozing a blackness and smelling of something ancient and dying.

"It wasn't just a lifeward potion", said Fenris. He stepped back away from Hawke and the others. "It was something..." he started pacing, "he bought it from ..."

"What? Bought where? What is this Fenris? If you know something-" Anders was yelling

"I don't know, I wasn't there."

"Where exactly did he get this from?"

Fenris clenched his fists, trying to remain calm, "the Black Emporium, he said he bought it as an oddity, nothing more. Yes, it's a lifeward potion but, it's..."

"You have to tell me what this is!" Anders bellowed.

"I don't know," Fenris shouted back. He shook his head, trying to remember. "It's old, that's all I know."

Aveline had had enough, she grabbed Anders by the collar and threatened him, "never mind all that, just heal what you can, we deal with, whatever that is later. Now just make him breath!"

"Right," said Anders. He took a deep breath himself and turned his attention back to Hawke. Anders shook out his hands and hovered them over Hawke's chest; his hands began to glow a soft green and pulse with intermittent white light. Anders kept one hand over Hawke's heart and moved the other in widening arcs outward. As he swept his hand across Hawke's body, Anders closed his eyes and turned his head as if he was listening to the magic he was tracing through the air. "His bones are broken, cracked, and the muscle is torn," he finally said.

"We know that Blondie," said Varric, "can you patch him back together or not?"

Anders hesitated, his hands glowing brighter and pulsing faster. "I... I don't know," he said, "something's stopping me."

"What do you mean, 'stopping' you?" said Fenris.

"Well try harder," demanded Aveline.

"I am!" Anders held his breath and focused on Hawke's heart. It was still beating. Anders shot forth a spirit bolt, charged Hawke's heart to beat harder - it worked, beating hard for a moment, then it slowed again. Anders switched to a different spell. His hands and forearms radiated with an orange light, sparks of bright yellow danced from the flat of his palms and danced through Hawke's body. The slick of blackness across Hawke's chest seemed to melt and new blood appeared along the edge of the wound. Hawke's breathing hitched several times, gulping for air. Anders grunted and twisted his hands as though wrestling with some unseen creature. Shortly, his magic failed and Anders was pulled forward almost collapsing over Hawke's chest. Merrill reached out and held him upright. The light from Anders' hands went out. Orana, still cradling Hawke's head, began to cry.

"What's wrong?" demanded Fenris.

"This is...I can pull the wounds back together but, I can't...maybe," Anders reached out again, this time spheres of white energy whirled beneath his hands. They pulsed, then sparked but finally imploded causing Anders' hands to sting and burn; he held his hands up and stretched out his fingers to shake the pain and growing numbness. "it won't mend, I can't hold it together." He was breathing heavy now and sweating, "that - blackness, I can sense it seeping through his body."

"But, he's still alive," begged Orana through her tears, "isn't he?"

Anders nodded yes, "for now but, if I can't close the wounds, mend the bone, that blackness is going to-"

"What do you need?" asked Aveline.

"More power," said Anders, "I think. I think if I was stronger... I've used to up much mana already."

"Some potions that arrived this morning," said Orana, "they're still in a box by the door."

Aveline went to fetch them.

Anders hung his head trying to think. His brow furrowed and he shook his head in frustration.

Fenris clearly read the expression on Anders face, "it's not enough."

"Probably not," said Anders, "I can replenish the magic but, the strength I'd need to purge this-"

"I'll do it," Merrill said suddenly, "Anders can guide me with the spell and I can draw the power we need." She stood up from where she was kneeling beside Hawke and drew a small dagger from her belt.

Fenris' eyes widened in horror as he shouted, "no!"

"I have to do this," said Merrill, "for Hawke. He has to live."

"If you dare to use blood magic," said Fenris, "he will never forgive you." Fenris then realized he was the only one in the room objecting to the idea of Merrill using blood magic to save Hawke's life. He calmed his voice, "Hawke would never forgive himself if he led you to this."

Everyone in the room fell silent and everyone paused for a moment, not knowing how to react. The tension and sense of dread was overwhelming.

"Fenris is right," said Aveline, calmly handing the potions she'd retrieved to Anders.

"But," said Merrill, "we have to-"

"There's another way," said Fenris. He reached up to his shoulder and began to unbuckle his own chest plate. Discarding it to the floor with a clatter that echoed off the walls, he next began to remove his gauntlets and toss them aside too.

"What are you..." Anders said, suddenly understanding and fraught with disbelief.

"You need power," said Fenris, "so take it."

"Elf," said Varric, "you're joking. How is he supposed to-"

"You can draw the lyrium directly, like you would with a refined stone," said Fenris. He unclasped and removed his tunic along with the straps from his arms. Hawke had been the only person Fenris had ever felt safe exposing this much of himself to: his scars, his past, his infliction, his shame. Yet he stood now, without a second though, as the others stared in awe and horror at the infinite intricacies of lyrium lines emblazoned across his torso. At this moment, Fenris felt nothing for anyone in the room except Hawke - a desperate need to be near him, to hear his voice, his heartbeat, to feel his touch again. There was no doubt that this was the right thing to do, the only thing to do to save Hawke's life.

"I...will that even work?" asked Anders.

"Yes," said Fenris, quietly "its...been done before." Fenris handed his straps to Aveline, "lash my hands to the banister and do not free me until Anders' work is done. Do you understand? Do not come to my aid, no matter what happens."

Aveline felt sick and could say nothing. She simply did as Fenris asked and bound him by his wrists to the stair's railing just within reach of Anders. When it was done, Fenris pulled at the leather knots to test their strength. He gave a nod to Aveline and she and the others stepped away.

"Are you sure about this?" said Anders.

Fenris said nothing and looked only at Hawke.

"Right." Anders quickly uncorked and drank several of the mana potions Aveline had brought. He swallowed hard on the last one and said "Ready."

Anders once again placed a hand over Hawke's faintly beating heart and waved his other hand over the deepest wounds. He conjured small sparks of white lightning from his fingertips, striking them down and through Hawke's body. Anders found a rhythm and pacing, and when he felt the blackness pulling back, he reached over and clasped his hand around Fenris' wrist.

There was a sudden jolt of power through Anders' body as he made contact with the lyrium. He had expected a rush of energy but nothing like this. Anders' eyes flared with blue light and the tattoos over Fenris' body flashed in unison. The sensation was euphoric, the power, the purity of this magic coursing through him was like breathing in the Fade itself. Anders' released his hold on Fenris and the connection remained; he pulled at the lyrium and it flowed like water off Fenris' body and swirled around him. Anders focused his attention back to Hawke and began attacking the unknown blackness.

Fenris remembered this pain. The Magisters had tested him many times and Danarius had punished him for disobedience, and sometimes purely or amusement using the same technique. Fenris felt his blood boiling and the lyrium slithering under his skin like a thing alive. His breathing hitched and he began gasping for air. He pulled against his restraints, the leather chaffing his wrists. They held, for now.

Fenris was sure he could hear his former master laughing at him as the room around him began to spin. He let out a primal scream to drown out the sound in his own head. Fenris' green eyes had turned a into dark red-black pools and his vision blurred at the edges with white hot pain. In desperation he tried to focus back to Hawke but his vision was drawn to Anders. Fenris' mind was slipping away from him, he started to see Anders' face crack with bright blue light. He heard a voice shouting for him but it was incomprehensible, like an echo from someone lost down a long dark tunnel. He shook his head violently and felt himself screaming again yet heard nothing this time.

There was no more sound. No more light. And, for a brief second, no more pain, as Fenris was thrust unwilling into the Fade.


	4. We Are All Demons Here

**Chapter 3 : We Are All Demons Here**

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><p><em>And then Hawke woke up and they all lived happily-ever-after.<em>

_.  
><em>.  
>.<p>

_Hawke._

__.  
><em>.  
><em>.

_Beati in Aeternum._

_.  
><em>.  
>.<p>

Fenris reached for something, anything, in his mind to focus on to stop the world around him from spinning. Hawke's books. The ones with the childish fables of heroes and happy endings. Those were the only thing clear in Fenris' mind. For what seemed like an eternity he repeated the sentiment over and over in his mind. There were whispered voices assaulting him from every direction, trying to distract him, to pull him somewhere. Finally, he shouted "Enough!" Fenris felt himself suddenly drop to his hands and knees, landing on spongy ground as everything came to an abrupt stop. He had lost his breath and sucking in air so quickly to recover made him cough violently. His bracing arm couldn't hold him steady while coughing. He slipped to the ground, landing on his elbow and forearm, gurgling blood from his throat as he coughed again. Shaking his head violently to clear the last of the haze Fenris was suddenly aware he was not alone.

He forced himself to move again, slowly this time, managing to get back to his hands and knees. Head down, the tip of a ghostly sword came into view under his nose. Fenris tensed, preparing to move, to counter attack, when the sword's owner spoke.

"Why have you summoned me here? What manner of demon are you?" the voice boomed. The voice was just a bit familiar to Fenris but his concentration was too focused on standing to really grasp hold of such a fleeting thought.

Fenris rose to his feet. The voice was merely gruff and accusing, not hostile. Sensing little threat, Fenris pushed the phantom sword aside with the back of his hand as he stood. "Demon?" he said, spitting the last bit of blood from his mouth. "Faced with an apparition such as yourself I dare say you are the demon here, not me." He sized up the ghost in front of him, the form of a knight in one instance and a man, someone familiar, the next.

The figure pulled his shoulders back, posturing and defended himself. "I am no demon. I am a spirit of the Fade-"

"Spirit, demon, in my experience there is little difference," said Fenris, his attention focused on his surroundings rather than his accuser. His eyes tried to focus on the cold grey plain in front of him, everything was just a little out of focus. He cringed as he rubbed his forehead, the sting of lyrium still burning under his skin and the whispers fading in and out of his head.

"And yet it is you alone that sings in this fief, calling me here-"

Fenris glowered, "I did not call you," he said, "and I do not sing." He pushed past the ghostly knight and began to walk towards a soft glowing light in the distance.

The whispers seemed to be calling to him from that place. The ground was less solid than he would have hoped and he lost his footing after a just few steps. He did not fall but in stumbling turned his attention to what was beneath his feet. A shifting thing, a black mass, breathing, beating, writhing, alive. Fenris held his head again and remembered, before he was drawn to the Fade, the blackness weeping from Hawke's body. That smell, burnt spices, it was here too. "Ungh." Fenris felt something pull at his mind. It hurt to remember and the whispers grew stronger the more he thought about the real world, about Hawke. He took a calming breath and looked up through the hazy sky. The Black City was there on the horizon. Traces of blue lightning striking far off in the distance. If the stories were true then he was certainly in some part of the Fade, so at least he knew he was still alive in some small way.

The ghost stepped in front of Fenris, "I ask you again, for what purpose have I been brought here?"

Fenris was becoming irritated and the whispers were getting louder, pushing him. "Justice," he said, the recognition finally coming to him, "I want no part of your assistance."

"I seek only to right that which is wrong. The mage Anders is a portal to serve-"

"You're insane. And so is he," Fenris' tone was bitter and he intended to make his threat clear. "If you're here it's because _he_ let you slip through." The whispers were getting louder and louder around him, he found himself shouting over them, "Stay out of my way."

Justice started speaking back, challenging him but the words were drowned out in Fenris' ears. The ground shifted again, the sky sparking with blue lightning. And then he remembered. The Fade was an ever shifting place. It was reacting to him, to his own impatience and anxiety. Fenris took a sharp breath and closed his eyes for a moment. The whispers and the whole world around him slowed. He carefully controlled his breathing, focused on the sound of his own heart beating to know he was still alive and in control of himself. He whispered out loud, "Hawke" and fluttering his eyes open ever so slowly, focused back on the soft golden light glowing in the distance. The whispers did not return but he felt a calling to that place and a gentle song like the one that first called to him as he was pulled to this place.

The ghost had walked on past him, already ahead. He did not trust the apparition, the _abomination,_ he never had. Fenris' instinct told him he had to reach the light, quickly. He moved again, more sure of his own being, and the footing became solid under his feet. With long strides he caught up to the ghostly man ahead of him. "I don't need-"

"You believe the hawke is here," said Justice. "If he is trapped then we should move quickly. You do not trust me. Perhaps that is wise. You should not trust any being in this place."

Fenris only sneered and quickened his pace. Arguing at this point was futile.

As they pressed forward the ground continued to shift uneasily beneath them. They were met with a field of twisted black vines that seemed to coil and shiver, moving and growing beneath their feet. Their destination was close, clear now, a soft golden shield. A dome protecting what could only be the heart of this place, protecting Hawke. The vines grew thicker the closer they came to their destination. Fenris ripped them apart with long sharp strides as they tried to wrap around his legs. Beside him he could hear Justice slashing at more aggressive creeping tendrils. Reaching the edge of the field, Fenris gave one last sharp tug to free his legs and stood wary in front of the barrier, searching.

There was a small structure beyond the translucent barrier, a house perhaps? And the shape of at least two people moving but nothing was clear enough to know for certain. Fenris reached out his hand to test the wall of golden light. It rippled and shimmered, yielding to his touch. There was no pain but the whispers began to quietly creep into his head again. They grew louder and more frantic as Justice approached him and the barrier. As Justice reached out to the barrier it unexpectedly flashed, lashing out at him with streaks of red lightning. It surrounded Justice, attacking him, and he cried out in pain. He staggered backwards and Fenris watched in horror as he lashed out at the barrier with his sword. Fenris strained to see through the barrier but the world inside had gone dark and the barrier had turned into a dark angry version of its former self.

"Stop you fool!" shouted Fenris, but it fell on deaf ears. Justice's anger flared with white hot light and the barrier reacted with more red strikes. Then Fenris felt it. The barrier was somehow alive. Another demon or spirit perhaps? No matter, it was calling him, it wanted _him_, not Justice and it was now attacking the abomination to save itself.

The whispers were suddenly assaulting Fenris again, louder and more clear than before. Some were crying, some screaming to make Justice stop, some begging for the fight and some just screaming at him to leave. _So many voices._ Fenris clutched at his his head and doubled over in pain. _Too many voices._He gasped, his stomach twisting in knots, his mind on fire. Suddenly one voice pierced through all the others, the one that had been calling him softly from the very beginning. It told him the barrier had to be protected. Justice had to be stopped.

Fenris' head ached, nothing was clear - all he knew was that Hawke was somehow connected and he would take his chances with the golden light and whatever was behind it to find him. The lyrium under his skin flared as he rose up with a warrior's rally cry. He gritted his teeth and pulled at the Fade energy around him. It was dark and more powerful than anything he had ever drawn before. Lyrium tattoos lashed out with a chaotic charge, causing Justice to stagger and forcing him backward.

Justice looked in horror at his attacker. Fenris' vision blurred and he thought he saw Anders' face laced with confusion and betrayal in place of Justice's. No. A trick. He lashed out again at the abomination, driving him back away from the barrier. He needed no weapons and Justice could not stand against him in this place.

"Have you gone mad?" said Justice, lashing out with his sword but missing his mark. "This place is prison! Do not trust-"

Fenris screamed out in defiance and pain. He cared for nothing, for no one but Hawke. In his rage the dark energy he had channeled around him exploded, sending a shockwave in every direction. Justice's very existence seemed to flicker as the spirit energy passed through him and he was thrown backwards into the field of black ivy and slick vines. As if they had been waiting they wrapped around his arms and legs, drawing him in and down. Blue lightning struck in the sky, bolts crashing down into the mess of tangled black. The vines then seemed to reach out towards Fenris and he braced himself to hold firm, he would not be pulled in. Another blue lightning strike from the sky, this one so close to Fenris' face that the heat made him recoil and the bright light blinded him as he fell backwards.

Fenris recovered himself quickly but was very aware that the ground beneath him had become unsteady again and the air was thick in his throat. The lightning had ceased, the whispers fading off into the distance again but Fenris' heart was still pounding, his nerves raw. He stood on shaky legs but readied himself for another attack. When after a moment nothing came, he dared to relax and take in his surroundings. At his feet the vines inched closer but stopped and recoiled, then reached out again but wouldn't touch him. Fenris thought it was curious they seemed to be repulsed by him now - afraid? He looked further out into the field, the vines had grown into a thick wall that he would not be able to cross through again. And there was no sign of Justice. His own bitterness and resentment took hold for a moment and a fleeting thought of 'good riddance' came to mind. That one brief thought, one second of unrest and the world shifted around him again throwing him backwards towards the barrier. Facing it again, the barrier sparked red for a moment and fear took over Fenris' heart that it would not attack him too.

He took a long deep breath.

"Forgive me," he said.

And the world calmed with him.

The barrier hummed, almost sweetly, so again he reached out his hand. The light was warm and it rippled against his palm, inviting him. He did not hesitate this time and walked through with confidence, every instinct of his being knowing he would find Hawke on the other side. As the light passed his eyes, the scene beyond the barrier came into focus... mostly. The realm of the Fade was still ever shifting. Objects out of his direct vision were blurry at best: the silhouette of autumn trees and distant purple hills, a shifting blue sky and green-yellow grass fields surrounding him. He felt at peace here and allowed himself to smile at the scene. Strange how the mood could change so quickly.

This was like a new world, inside the protective barrier. Fenris walked towards the structure in the centre, the heart of this place. It was a cottage, small, stone, like some place familiar. Perhaps Fenris remembered Hawke describing to him once. Fenris became aware of a cool breeze blowing and the sounds of birds in distant trees. He stopped at the entrance to the yard, a gap in the low fence around the garden, but did not enter. His attention turned to the two figures standing on the far side of the yard.

His eyes widened, he became hopeful - Hawke! But, no, something wasn't quite right. The man was like Hawke but a bit older, thinner, long hair braided at the sides like a Ferelden noble. And then he saw the little boy standing beside the man. The boy was focused on group of small brown birds that had perched on the fence and were flitting around the bushes and along the ground. The man knelt down and poured something into the boys hands. With a gentle nudge, the boy carefully stepped out closer to the birds and slowly held out both his hands, palms flat and remained perfectly still.

One of the tiny birds flitted from the fence and landed on the boy's hand, remaining a moment before taking a black seed and flying away. The boy's mouth opened wide in an astonished smile.

"Keep still, be patient." Fenris heard the man say to the boy.

The boy stood up a little taller and stretched out his arms as far as he could. One by one, a few of the birds came to land lightly on the boy's hands. Some took a seed and flew away, some were nervous and perched only for a second before flitting away again. Fenris found himself smiling, a small joy in sharing in this moment with the boy. One tiny bird actually stayed long enough to eat the seed right there on his hand. The boy could not longer contain his delight and a small laugh and the curl of his fingers made the tiny bird take off into the high trees nearby. The boy gave a small pout and he stepped forward with determination. The encroachment made the birds scatter noisily and seek shelter in the trees beyond the yard. The boy dropped his arms and with great disappointment looked to the older man, "Why Father?"

The older man was beaming as he took back the seed from the boy's hands, "You moved too quickly, it startled them." He scattered some of the seeds around the bushes and placed the remainder on the top of one of the fence posts.

The boy seemed confused, "I wouldn't have hurt them," he said, hanging his head down. "I just wanted them to be my friends."

His father placed a hand on the boy's shoulder, "If you want trust it takes time and patience," he said, the boy nodding at his father's words. "And look, they haven't all gone away." He pointed to a few small birds that had been tucked away in the bushes, now bouncing down to the ground to collect the seeds there. The boy's eyes lit up again and he sank down to his hands and knees to watch the littlest of the birds dash out and back from the roots of the protective bush.

Fenris took the chance to clear his throat, announcing his presence. The father turned to face him, eyes fixed on the stranger in his yard. The boy scrambled to his feet and stood just behind his father, somewhat frightened at the strange man in their midst.

"It's alight Garrett," said the father, squeezing the boy's hand. "He's no Templar." The boy seemed to relax at this but Fenris tensed and narrowed his eyes in confusion. _Garrett? The boy? _"Go inside and help your mother with the twins or whatever she needs," said the older man. He pushed the boy towards the cottage but never took his gaze off Fenris. As the boy ran inside the father started moving to greet Fenris.

As he came closer the figure of this tall man seemed to softly melt away in front of Fenris' eyes. The man's body shifted and the golden haze of the barrier drifted towards it. Fenris guarded himself, gritting his teeth, irritated at the continued shifts and trickery of this place. Fenris' breathing, his heart and everything around him slowed. There was silence, absolute silence around him: no whispers, no hum of the golden barrier, no sounds of the birds he could still see in the trees, no wind - nothing. He became very aware of every breath he now took and knew he was frozen in place. The golden light swirled around the figure, consuming it until a new form was born: a tall pale woman walking towards him.

Fenris feared a desire demon but her face was remarkably plain. He saw something so clean, so natural, that no desire demon could ever truly mimic it. He thought for a moment that perhaps that made her even more dangerous. But she held his gaze with soft amber eyes that he felt look right through into the heart of him. He could not turn away.

She moved towards him and he couldn't tell if she was walking or floating. She moved like a wisp, her body surrounded by a dark silvery light. Slowly the light gathered around her and formed into a dress, clinging to her long female figure. Fenris found himself entranced by the way she trailed small sparks of gold, like the barrier, behind her. Several orbs of light clung to her right side like a mantle. There was a breeze around her, something gentle and comforting. Fenris turned his head to the side, entranced by the soft dark hair that blew gently around her face. His attention focused on her mouth, her lips moved but he was unable to hear any sound. He noticed the thinness of those pale claret lips, the smallness of her mouth. He was disappointed with the thought that she wasn't perfect. Then he remembered that she wasn't actually _real. _Lost in his own though, he didn't realize she had stopped moving and was now within his reach. For a moment the silence continued but when he heard her speak the world around him snapped back to life.

"I'm sorry Fenris," she said, "it's too soon."


	5. Too Soon

**Chapter 4 : Too Soon**

* * *

><p>Fenris stared rather blankly at the female figure in front of him. His mind racing to make sense of what was happening.<p>

She smiled sweetly and tried to explain again, "To save Hawke, Fenris. I need you but, it's too soon. He's not ready..."

Something in Fenris snapped, "What have you done? Why are you keeping him here?"

"I'm keeping him safe, Fenris," she said, her tone soft and lyrical.

Fenris wanted to believe her but, he had to remember that this was the Fade, she could be any manner of demon still. Sloth came to mind but her light and movement did not fit with the descriptions he had heard. He was trying very very hard to be angry but there was something about this place, something about her. He felt the strangest sense of calm. Still, he refused to let himself go quite so easily. "How do you know me?" he said, his tone dry and somewhat accusing.

She smiled and raised her left hand to pluck one of the orbs draped across her right side. She held it up, shimmering gold and silver. Fenris saw an image within the orb itself and heard a voice. _A figure stepping from the shadows_. He saw himself in the vision, then heard his own voice_. ''Your men are dead. And your trap has failed...' _Fenris recalled this. The night he first met Hawke in the Kirkwall alienage. But, he was seeing his own reflection; the perspective was strange. The image shuttered and appeared to jump forward in time, '_My name is Fenris,' _he heard himself echo the words from the small image of himself inside the orb.

The orb hung in the air in front of him, repeating the same two scenes over and over. Fascinated he reached out to touch it just as a second, larger orb was lifted up by her delicate hand. Again, Fenris' image, sitting this time, waiting. He heard Hawke's voice, _'Fenris?'_ and he pulled back but couldn't look away. He knew this one as well and it broke his heart all over again. '_I have been thinking of you...' _ he heard his own voice and watched himself step forward as he had on _that night_. This orb too began to loop and Fenris shied his eyes away, silently begging for it to stop.

The woman reached up and tapped the orbs gently with the tips of her fingers. They floated back to her and nestled in amongst the seemingly endless mantle of similar spheres that draped over her shoulder. Fenris examined them closely and saw they all held a moving picture of some kind, each looping again and again. There were places he recognised, faces too. "What..."

She smiled and reached out to touch Fenris' cheek, "I am Memoria," she said. "Surely you know me from your Tevinter lore?"

"Hmm. Stories, perhaps," said Fenris. He had stood guard and served at many of Danarius' banquets where details of philosophy, magic lore and ancient gods were debated. While he did not pretend to understand it all, her presence, her name and the visions she carried were familar to him. He shook the recall from his mind, he had no time for these games. "Explain why I should care? Where is Hawke?"

Not really waiting for an answer, Fenris tried to walk towards the cottage but was stopped by Memoria. "I told you, he is not ready yet," she said.

"Why? Not ready for what?"

"He is too be judged," she said, holding her hand up in defence. "But not just by me."

Whispers. They were still present even in this calm place. Fenris held one hand to his head to steady himself and looked around for their source. The golden dome barrier had dissolved when Memoria shifted forms. The cottage stood exposed under the dim sky and the black creature was still shifting, beating under his feet. There was no sign of Hawke, or the young boy that was called by his name before. The whispers surrounded him and seemed to come all directions.

Memoria looked up and around, calling out to the air around her, "Leave him be. He does not understand." The whispers persisted and the ground shifted. "Let me speak!" she demanded, and the whispers ceased as suddenly as they had started.

Fenris collapsed with the abrupt silence and Memoria knelt in front of him. The exertions on his mind, body and life force were catching up to him. "Fenris?" she said, worried. He only shook his head in response. The lyrium under his skin was throbbing. Thoughts of what Anders was doing to him, to Hawke, back in the real world tugged at the side of his mind. He dismissed it, knowing that what happened here was more important than anything else. But still, he could feel himself growing weaker the longer he stayed in this place.

"Fenris," she tried again, "please. Forget about Hawke for a moment-"

"No."

Memoria smiled, "I mean only for you to focus," she said. "Think for a moment, you know of me. Know who I am and you will know why I cannot bring him to you yet."

"I... I can't..."

Memoria lifted her hand and light stretched out from her palm to Fenris's chest. Slowly, golden orbs emerged and hovered in front of him. Fenris gasped as he felt his heart tug at his own essence being pulled so gently from his being. "Let me help you," she said.

The orbs flickered and the images they offered made Fenris's stomach twist in knots. _Walking through a Tevinter garden ... Following behind a group of magisters ... Keeping guard over his master ... Pretending not to listen to Danarius as he lectured his guests ... '__Phronesis. __Prudence is the ability to govern and discipline oneself by the use of reason.' _The image flickered, jumping to another point in time on that same day. _Standing beside a stone archway at the garden wall ... Magisters being poured wine and fed berries by slaves ... Danarius sitting in his garden throne..._ 'A_uriga virtutum. Prudence,__as a god, is the father of all virtues. And his daughters will judge our excellence by the power and might of our magic.' ... An apprentice dares to speak ... 'But how do we know which is virtue and which is vice?' ... Danrius is amused, 'We are magisters.' He laughs, 'We hold s__piritual authority as granted to us by the gods. The sisters of virtue grant us the keys to perfection, the keys to becoming gods ourselves.'_

Fenris was shaking now. Danrius' philosophy had always made him shudder with fear. As a slave he believed that he was bound to this cruelty by the Maker. He knew no other life. Still, his master's moral righteousness and lust for power always made him ill at ease and he wanted to believe there was a better way. Now, after finding that better way, through his escape and through Hawke, reliving these lessons was almost more than Fenris could handle.

Memoria sighed and waved her hand to disperse the orbs, clearly annoyed. "That one does not understand us or our father. His knowing is true but what slips from his tongue is not knowledge." Fenris was on the verge of tears; his body weak, fear of losing Hawke tearing at his heart, sickness over the lucid vision of Danrius and, his own struggle to simply understand a single damned thing that was happening. "I'm sorry. This was the only way to make you understand."

"I don't understand," he said. _Phronesis ... __Remember ... Memoria ... Sisters of Virtue..._ "What does this have to do with Hawke? What judgement?"

"Hawke was granted protection from death. Here in this place. I can keep him safe. For now." Memoria grazed her hand over the black mass beneath their feet, still beating, a forlorn look on her face. "Our father has become a dark and twisted thing by those who would desire his power. He rests, for now."

"An old god worshipped as a dragon."

Memoria nodded in agreement, "As you mortals are fools to do. The dragon's blood was taken in by Hawke. The allowance was given but a price must be paid."

The horror of watching Hawke swallow the contents of the black vial still haunted Fenris. He hung his head and took a deep breath, "What can I..."

Memoria placed her hand on Fenris' chest and pulled forth several more orbs. "I can see clearly who a man is and who he believes himself to be. If his memories are true then I judge him worthy."

"And your price?" he said with a sneer.

"I do not steal, Fenris, I rejoice. You were witness earlier," she said, brushing her hand through her mantle of memories. They shimmered and danced all around her as she made a wide sweeping arc with her hand. In the midst of this display Fenris could see that she had only one arm. The mantle of orbs on her right side was an illusion. Much like the rest of her he surmised. "I can live through them, the memories. The joy of life, a gift that the Maker did not grant us," she said.

Fenris slowly rose to his feet and she stood with him. Looking back to the cottage, he could see the black ivy and vines creeping around the yard, encroaching now that the barrier had been removed. "And your _sisters_?" he said.

"They _will_ listen to me. I can show them and they can be satiated, that is their price."

"But, you expected _me_? Called _me_ here?"

"Yes."

"Too soon?"

"Through judgement, if a man's memories are greater than his existence... he may not wish to leave. I do not-"

Fenris held up a hand to silence Memoria. Some movement at the side of his vision had caught his attention. He shook his head and turned back to Memoria, "Please."

"It has happened before," she said. "I know you could take him home. I ... I care for this one," she said, averting her eyes with guilt over her own selfishness. "I would not like to see my father devour him."

Fenris nodded, having no other choice but to trust her words, for now. Their moment was broken however, a flurry of movement, flashes of blue lighting and the onslaught of whispers as Justice reappeared, storming towards them. Justice walked with purpose, sword drawn, prepared for a battle. Memoria gasped and took a step to hide behind Fenris. The ground heaved under his feet, throwing him off balance.

"Vengeance is blind Fenris," she shouted about the noise in his head. "Don't let him rip Hawke from this place. Please!"

Fenris' calm control finally broke. "Justice, hold!" His command was unheeded and ghostly warrior continued to charge.

In his weakened state Fenris was not prepared for a fight. He tried to gather the Fade energy but it overwhelmed him. He screamed; his tattoos were burning, his vision clouded and his body writhing in pain. He struggled against himself and remained upright but disoriented.

Fenris managed to catch Justice by the waist as he charged past. He pushed the ghost backwards and flares of white hot rage emanated from Justice, attacking the lyrium under his skin. He lost his grip on Justice and was tossed to the side. Fenris heard Memoria scream. Calling every last ounce of fierce strength he had left, charged valiantly to throw himself between her and Justice just as the ghostly blade was thrust forward for Memoria's heart. The blade cut through Fenris' chest instead and Justice halted his attack, bewildered for a moment at the sight. Fenris roared and his eyes turned into dark-red pools as they had done in the real world. Justice thrust his sword further in and up. Fenris wrapped his hands around the blade and used it as a conduit to channel an energy attack of his own spiritual force. He heard Justice cry out and felt the blade slip from his body. His vision was gone and he felt himself falling, drained. His knees hit the ground and the thunder of jarred bones rattled through his body. Fenris felt the words '_Hawke, forgive me_' cross his lips but, no sound came out.

There was a sharp, high pitched scream inside his head and a wave of sudden coldness over his entire body, Fenris awoke in the real world with a jolt.

Fenris' eyes flew open and he violently gasped for air. Orana, who had been kneeling beside him, jumped at Fenris' sudden return to consciousness. He had been placed, sitting in one of the library arm chairs and almost tumbled forward as he awoke. Orana reached out to steady his chest with the palm of one hand and and tightly gripped his wrist with the other. Fenris slapped his bare hand down on top of Orana's wrist out of instinct. Still not thinking clearly, he tried to flare the lyrium lines across his palms but little happened. Instead, the attempt made him ill and he coughed violently for a moment. Drained. He knew this sick feeling from his past life with Danarius, it would pass in a while.

"Please Master Fenris," Orana said, her voice meek and trembling slightly. "You're hurting me."

"Forgive me," was all that Fenris could groan out as his senses returned to him. He let go of her wrist but, she did not let go of his. Looking down, he saw her return to the task she was attending before he awoke. She was fastening the red silk favour, that had tied been around his gauntlet, to his now bare wrist. She tied a delicate knot to hold it loosely in place. It was cool and damp against his skin, cleaned of the blood that had saturated it while carrying Hawke to the estate. Fenris caressed the smooth fabric and his breath audibly hitched as emotion took hold of him for a moment.

"I though you would want it close when you woke up," Orana said. Fenris had no idea if she knew what it was but, he supposed _she_ had never really known him to be without it. Orana had proven to be a very observant and quick minded girl, despite her timid demeanour. The gesture was kind but there were more pressing matters.

"Where is he?" Fenris' head was dizzy and he held a hand to his forehead, covering his eyes from the light of the fireplace. He wanted to leap from the chair and run to Hawke's side but, he knew he would collapse if he tried.

"Please don't move Master Fen-"

Fenris snapped his head around to look at her and hissed at what she had called him for a second time, "Stop-"

"I'm sorry!" she said tersely, bowing her head in apology. She knew full well of her offence to him. "They took him to his bed chamber. He's still..." tears began to well in her eyes and she choked on the last words.

"Alive?"

Orana nodded fervently 'yes', drawing a sharp breath, trying to regain her composure.

"Who is with him now?"

"His mabari is standing guard," she said, with a smile. "I asked the others to go home for the night."

"Night?" Fenris was confused, "How long was I..."

"It will be morning soon Ma-" she stopped herself from saying it. "The mage, Anders, he said he'd done all he could but, Master Hawke has to wake up on his own. They stayed a while but I've since told them to go. I...I couldn't sleep."

Fenris slumped in his chair and groaned. He wondered how just a brief time in the Fade had been so long here in the real world. Perhaps the whole ordeal had just been a dream after all.

Orana placed the back of her hand against Fenris' forehead, feeling for a fever, "I'll get you something to drink, some water," she said. "Please let me do this?" Fenris just nodded and Orana left the room to attend her task.

Fenris leaned forward in the chair holding his head in his hands. His throat was dry, his skin hot, and his eyes tired. He gave a sigh, thinking on what had happened in the Fade. Was it just a delusion? A consequence of Anders' magic interacting with the lyrium and the chaos of his own conflicted emotions? His bitterness towards magic and mages began to well up inside him again. He clenched his jaw, his face buried in his hands, he closed his eyes.

Whispers.

Fenris jerked his head up and his eyes wide open and the whispers were gone. He blinked twice, his mouth open with disbelief. He dipped his chin and closed his eyes again. The whispers returned, loud and angry. He forced his eyes tightly closed and could hear Memoria calling out to him. It hadn't been a dream and he hadn't finished what he'd started. Either that or, the thought crossed his mind, he was truly going insane.

Fenris opened his eyes and looked around the room wildly. He had no idea what do to, how to fix this. "Anders," he said, snarling. He had to find the mage, get him to send him back somehow. _This was his fault! _Fenris felt himself being filled with a driving rage.

Fenris lurched forward out of the chair and nearly fell head long into the fireplace. He caught the mantel of the fireplace and righted himself. Orana returned to the library at the same moment, nearly dropping the tray she carried at the sight of Fenris staggering about. He pushed passed her with a blinding determination. He was deaf to her pleas to stop. Out in the foyer he saw faint traces of blood across the floor where Orana had started to clean the mess up. Bits of Hawke's armour, still not picked up, had been kicked to the walls, out of the way. He was looking for his own armour in this strewn about mess but, he was still too dazed to make out anything of certainty. He found his sword, or maybe it was Hawke's, he didn't care. He could barely lift it in his condition. He grabbed a black cloak that had been tossed on a table and haphazardly wrapped himself in the heavy wool.

Fenris headed for the estate's front entrance but stopped abruptly. The door to the vault was still ajar. A memory suddenly came to Fenris with a flash of golden light in his mind... Hawke's story of how Bethany and he had broken in the vault years ago, through an underground passage and the Amell estate cellar. _Of course_, it made sense to him now too how Merrill had been able to bring Anders up from Darktown so quickly. Fenris changed his direction and took the stairs down to the vault, his greatsword clattering against the wall with his less than graceful decent. Reaching the bottom he struggled with the latch on the cellar door and as he wrestled it open he heard Orana coming down the stairs, calling him.

He grumbled, nothing she could say would stop him. This couldn't wait. Fenris got the door open and...

"Master Fenris!" she shouted while standing almost beside him.

His raw emotions got the better of him and he whipped around and grabbed the girl by her shoulder and shoved her against the stairs. She shrieked and Fenris came to his senses, letting her go and stepping back, his hand trembling, "I..."

"You couldn't hear me," she said. "I said it to make you turn around." She stepped closer to Fenris, holding up one of Sandal's enchanted lanterns. The blue flame cast strange shadows in the small room, "It's not your fault."

"I have to save him," said Fenris, it wasn't meant for Orana, it just slipped out.

"I just wanted you to take this," Orana motioned forward with the lantern. Fenris took it from her and he felt the shame of his action flush across his face. Orana stepped into him and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face in his shoulder. "He can't lose you," she said, her voice muffled as she spoke into the heavy wool of the cloak. "I can't lose either of you. Please be careful."

Fenris gently pulled himself away from her and, with the lantern in hand, pushed through the cellar door. His mind was focused on finding Anders and returning to the Fade, there was nothing more he could say.


End file.
